Kundalini or The Brick Wall
Dear Blessed One,
Life has a way of clearing the path to God-realization in the most extraordinary ways!
Many of you are aware of the wild ride I’ve experienced to reach my current destination, which is not static, by the way. The only thing that is not in flux is the Peace that holds it all. I continue to notice and release old beliefs, feel and heal childhood wounds, deepen and expand. My most recent and exciting revelation is that freedom isn’t static either; there is freer than free.
When I woke up in 2008, I was struck with a great sense of freedom. My mind became very still (thoughts float by like silent clouds), I no longer identified with my past, and even though fear or sadness would occasionally creep in (and still does), there was no more suffering, only the feelings, and curiosity… where is this in my body, what exactly am I feeling, how can I give this even more space?
In the last couple of years, I’ve noticed that the freedom I was living had been stifled by defining it – “I am free.” I am freeing would be a more accurate statement. Isn’t that exciting?! It just keeps getting bigger and better!
Some of the ways that life brings these awarenesses can be quite challenging (and life has many ways of shifting us). One of the most common ways of clearing the path to your God-self is through patterns and repetition.
When I got sober in 1997, one of the first exercises life blessed me with was developing healthy boundaries. No better way to get really good at it but to be inundated with people who have poor boundaries. It was like hitting a brick wall over and over, until I finally noticed what life was teaching me: how to say no in a way that it could be heard clearly, and received. I didn’t have to look for the brick wall, brick walls have a way of finally getting one’s attention!
Another way of clearing the field is through kundalini awakening. As I briefly mentioned in my first book, it is not something I’d recommend to anyone. My first three kundalini awakenings were very painful, scary, and quite debilitating. I thought I might die. By the time I had my third one in March of 2011, I was in complete surrender to the fire ripping through me. Obviously I survived.
As I recovered from the blasts of liquid fire, the first thing I noticed was many buttons and triggers had been dissolved. I had a fourth kundalini experience January 1, 2013 and this time after the fire in my head calmed down, the energy was able to flow unimpeded up and down my spine and for the first time, it was quite pleasurable. The three previous big burns had cleared the path.
Kundalini or the brick wall? I didn’t consciously choose either, they chose me. I’m grateful for all the ways that life frees me from that which no longer serves.
As you continue to evolve and clear from your field the debris that stands in the way of knowing that you are already awake, a real conundrum for many people is how to rest and allow life to do what life does, and how to take action to speed things along.
Presence is my answer. Shine the light of awareness on this very moment. There is no moment in the future or the past that is more alive with God than this one. See if you are making this moment the means to an end. If you are, notice that and bring awareness back to the present moment ~ make it the end. Period. Just now. And now. It may sound trite, and there’s a reason it is so overused.
Much Love and Blessings to You,
shellee
“Man’s freedom is never in being saved troubles, but it is the freedom to take trouble for his own good, to make the trouble an element in his joy… that in pain is symbolised the infinite possibility of perfection, the eternal unfolding of joy.”
~Rabindranath Tagore